8:01 PM sam: wuddup child
sam: wuzz good
8:02 PM me: Hello
So most people are here
8:03 PM just imagined 'everyone' including a small dinosaur wearing a sideways baseball hat and 'skateboarding' clothes
me: How did you know.? Troy has that tattoo
8:04 PM sam: shit
feel like most of my thughts involve that
me: Beth Beavers maker of the mis
Beth beaver the maker of the mix tape has arrived
sam: tell her good job
me: Lets get this party started
8:05 PM sam: fsho
8:06 PM me: Hold up....moving booths
8:07 PM So we are still waiting for some people
We are tardy drunk readers
8:08 PM sam: you assholes
me: So Karen really just wants to sext with you
8:09 PM sam: dang a lang
if i had a phone....
the phone for the sexting was
me: So the question is do you write on a computer or a daurrgeotype
8:10 PM sam: small notebooks and my computer
which was given to me by a reader after my shitty old laptop broke
me: Like mole skins?
sam: no like
acid washed looking shits
that say 'notebook' on the front
with the black tape binding
or any kind of paper i have
a lot of notes are written on receipts
8:11 PM and flyers
me: As they should be
8:12 PM sam: hell motherfucking yeah
me: Beth's favorite part was the hotdog .
sam: pretty sure i wrote all of that on a receipt
me: Did that really happen?
8:13 PM sam: what? me examining a hotdog on the ground?
that's real life shit
that's that shit they dont want you to know about
but yeah, i'm really that pathetic
me: What about the dancing baby and the street performer?
8:14 PM sam: oh yeah
one of my ideas was to catalogue
all the performers i've seen
which get way more out there than the ones i described
you can get a cheap permit to perform in the subway
there's this one girl who like
8:15 PM "orgasmically" hula hoops to a boombox sometimes
she's actualy really intimidating
Steve wants to know how ,inch other art you have done? Is it for sale?
8:16 PM sam: i have some drawings and paintings stil
and i did a new one last night that' realy nice
people are throwing out shit again to move
so i go through the alleys and find shit to draw on/into
8:17 PM me: So that reminds us of a local artist Jason Barr
Are you familiar with him (in that way)
Also should we refer to you as Hot Styles?
8:18 PM sam: haha
hot styles baby
i stlill think about that bin laden shirt
me: Is that your cat? Is Rontel real?
sam: i wake up and think "why didn't i buy that shit"
rontel is real
that's his name
8:19 PM that's his picture
i have his name tattooed on my arm
me: Did you shave him?
sam: yeah me and my brother shaved his head with a buzzer
our dynamic was like, 'three buds'
rontel loves me and my brother
and we teased him like we would another brother
8:20 PM me: So you do live with your brother?
sam: sizzle, ear slaps, ventriloquism, everything
did anyone view rontels treatment
as psyhcologically damaging
sometimes i think about that
me: Is there any part that isn't real?
sam: the only stuff that isn't real in my books
8:21 PM just the order or time when shit happened
the truth is
i'm not that creative
me: Basically no.
sam: so have a hard time making shit up
me: The relationship with Rontel was the least damaged
he's my little shithead
the only poster i have
is the picture of him at the end of the book, blown up to poster size
8:22 PM me: We are buying and drinking a PBR in your honor
sam: i like old style
or king cobra
but thank you
me: Shit happens
8:23 PM sam: and then you die
do people say that there
'shit happens...and then you die"
me: Karen's grade school kids do....hourly
sam: hell yeah
get em in on that shit early
let em know
8:24 PM "kids, you're going to die"
me: Give them the business
the publiser emailed me
the other day
to tell me
that he was buying a hotdog
and the guy working the cart
said, "give him the business"
8:25 PM me: So is the story of Rontel's name true
8:26 PM sam: yeah
me: So tells about the "these are the days that mans ices a rattlesnake
sam: that line, like the form of it "these are the days when...."
came into my head on a walk
sam: when i saw the raccoon fuck the dog up
8:27 PM i have
for the sake of humor
like i like to think majestically
and say sweeping noble shit like that
basically i'm insane
and i'm trying to enjoy myelf
8:28 PM my head is like a kid playing a radioshack keyboard while his dad looks for a simple cord
me: That's beautiful
sam: YOU"RE BEAUTIFUL!
8:29 PM DEAL WITH IT
me: So do you think that you are getting better as a writer. And dealt with. All 15 of us are beautiful
sam: i dont know about the getting better thing
8:30 PM i was thinking about it today
me: I say yes
sam: and like, it seems like every time i try to be more simple
me: I liked Rontel better than Person
sam: or like, break down the thoughts ialready have about writing and try something new
i do too
i had never written anything long before
8:31 PM and that started as a series of short little scenes
that i put together
so it felt really weird or clumsy writing it
me: It's good...just dug Rontel a bit more
sam: i think my new thing is thinking much much moe before writing now
me: What do you want us to do with the book now that we finished it?
sam: let somebody borrow it
put it in a library
8:32 PM let me know and i'll putup a post where someone can buy it off you for cheaper or something
put them into a fire pit
and cover yourselves with blankets
8:33 PM me: Hey did you get some bees?
sam: and breathe in the fumes
but bill did
bill definitely did
why, bill is probably fucking with his bees right now see!
is it warm there right now
it's nice in chicago
me: So hot
Like 80 degrees
sam: oh shit
8:34 PM just thought, "shit's hot in the K"
(kansas, you see)
me: Till Wednesday when it snows
it's supposed to snow
sam: hell yeah
me: So have you always lived in Chicago?
8:35 PM chiraq
me: Or are you one of those white people who moved there after college
sam: you fucking turd
me: Hey...you could have been rebelling against white people who move to Chicago
8:36 PM sam: i'm rebelling against everything man
sam: no i'm kidding
i was just throwing out some cliches
8:37 PM me: So Beth Beavers wants to know how your girlfriend is
sam: the one from the book?
baby my girlfriend is rontel
and none else
me: Are there others?
sam: "rontel over bitches"
8:38 PM ROB
rontel over everything
8:39 PM me: Why is the cat so awesome?
sam: because he's so peaceful
me: And how did Rontel take the shaving?
sam: the most loving peaceful creature i've met
he didn't like the actual process
8:40 PM but that's because it involved holding him still while we buzzed him
but he got over it
like i said in the book
he seemed to like it tactilely
is that the right word
me: I think it works
8:41 PM me: Conversation has moved to the racist review
me: Why did you feel the need to write a rebuttal?
8:42 PM sam: i thought about that a lot the last couple days too
it's like this
me: Another question is your brother that big of a d-bag?
8:43 PM sam: my thing was this
there is a certain attitude
that is unlike the rest of the midwest
and it's "don't fuc with me"
so i was offended by his bullshit, and his lack of thinking
so i shot back
to be honest
i should've just let it die
8:44 PM his shit dont make sense and nobody cares and i gave him too much exposure by even responding
me: Beth Beavers just spilt beer on Rontel
sam: at the same time, sometimes you gotta holler
tell her to die
me: But she made that sweet play list. Is there an alternative?
8:45 PM sam: um
she has to let two book club members pinch, and subsequently twist, her nipples
until she says, "rontel" three times
8:46 PM me: She has a huge rack. Let her drink a couple more beers and we will see what happens.
i want to say that to someone in a really polite "just so you know" type tone
8:47 PM "pardon me, your rack is huge"
me: That could be said of many of our book club members....well more than one
The flat chested girl is sad
8:48 PM sam: tell her the size of the titty is not as importatn as its shape
just iamgined you all bullying her with giant racks
me: Proximity to each other or to you?
8:49 PM sam: me
8:50 PM sam: there you go
that's what you should do with rontel
rip it apart
and make bras out of it
and take a picture of a row of giant racks
with rontel bras
think of the sales!!!!
mm mmmm sales!
me: Think of the reviews
8:51 PM sam: i will!!!
me: We have a whole marketing plan for this now
So did you throw the microwave off the building? Could we find it now?
8:52 PM sam: my brother did
that was last year
so it's probably gone
when you dont have a lot of money/you're stupid
then breaking shit
is all there is
me: Have you been to a gaymers meetiNg?
sam: burning couches, breaking things, smashing windows
i'd go but enrique would get jealou
8:53 PM jealous
me: Because everyone would want you?
sam: yeah he doesnt like when gay guys hit on me
me: I thought there was no one but Rontel
politely, hell no
he'd lock arms with me and be bitchy to other guys
8:54 PM it's really funny
8:55 PM me: Rontel over bitches but Enrique will protect?
8:57 PM me: So one of the guys here just said "my type is Sheely Duvall"
sam: hell yeah
o girl from the shining
8:58 PM me: Damn right. And Popeye
sam: oh shit
that's his type
whatever you like
8:59 PM me: Not everyone has a Rontel
sam: i lucked out
he did too
because i thought i was going to 'give him the ultimate business"
when he was younger
the "kill you" business
the "stop being annoying"
9:00 PM but now
sam: oh now these are the day when i wake up to him spooning me
and headbutting my face
me: And he stays safe from microwave fate
Also I pressed that he can do both at the same time
9:01 PM Beth beavers wants to know if you are a Blackhawks fan
9:02 PM sam: all part of his charm
just imagined rontel with a huge rack
i dont like a lot of pro sports except for boxing
but i love the hawks
me: That's awkward
9:03 PM sam: what
sam: tits on a cat
A huge rack on a cat
sam: "in the year 2021, huge racks on cats are no longer science fiction, but....a reality"
9:04 PM me: So Beth Beavers wants some sort royalty
sam: for what?
9:05 PM girl trynna milk me
me: Huge racks
With her rack
sam: the biggest rack i ever saw was like
9:06 PM scary big
me: Like smother you in your sleep?
sam: tell her i'll hook her up with royalties if she can definitively link her rack to book sales
sam: hell yeah
9:07 PM me: So we are breaking up a bit here
I am sharing my sexts from you
People love them
9:08 PM However I don't want to keep you from important rack speaking
me: By the way how is your ear infection?
sam: i actually have it again
9:09 PM like
i can't hear out of it
me: Hey beautiful shitheads
sam: and it hurts
i have a tube in it and if that comes out my eardrum collapses and bleeds
plus my hearing is damaged from music and shit
me: Damn son
9:10 PM :(|)
sam: i'll be deaf in no time flat!!!!!!
i look forward to being deaf
me: I hope you compose beautiful music
9:11 PM Post deafness
sam: just thought, "that dude is soooo post-deafness"
me: So we really want you to meet Jon. We think he would be great fodder for you
9:12 PM He tends to make out with middle aged women
Just hanged out at bars
sam: hell yeah
making out with middle aged women
just thought, "that's where the candy's at see?'
for seemingly no reason
9:13 PM me: Well it is in their purses
sam: s'what i'm saying
me: Get a hotdog with him
You'll like it
9:14 PM He is moving to Chicago maybe he could live on your floor
sam: whens he moving
9:15 PM sam: to what hood
9:16 PM me: Not sure. He is up there now checking it out
sam: he has a job here?
sam: a middle aged candy mam
me: That's him
He currently works at iHop
sam: there's a fucking sweet ihop here in 'boystown'
9:17 PM where like
at three in themorning
the wieirdest motheffuckers go
damn that's good shit
i should just go hang out there
me: Isn't that true of any iHop?
sam: not like this one
9:18 PM me: Well I guess I will visit it when I go to Chicago in the distant future
just thought, "come on down to chi town, where the eatins good and the racks are huge"
9:19 PM me: And middle aged
Credit Beth Beavers
And flat chest
sam: good ol beth beavers and her huge rack
9:20 PM me: Lindsey is so sad
sam: lindsey is the 'non huge rack' one
me: But she has proximity going for her
sam: can't stress this enough, it's all good
9:21 PM flat chested is still good
she's still a woman
suddenly feel impassioned speech coming on
9:22 PM "i have a dream, where the titties of the world walk hand in hand"
9:23 PM me: Someone else here has had that dream.
Actually probably more than one, but only one guy will own up to it.
9:24 PM It is beautiful, though. You are an inspiration.
9:25 PM So also..have you been drinking because we have
i dont drink that much
i drank a lot and did a lot of drugs when i was younger
me: But there was an impassioned speech...
sam: yeah but like, i
me: That happens a lot with booze
sam: i'm turnt up all the time normally
i'll still drink sometimes but like
9:26 PM i dont like it that much
and i have a weird habit of drinking a lot when i do and being able to keep drinking
like, i feel like an alcoholic
me: So are you naked?
sam: just thought, "naked of hope"
me: In the bathtub?
9:27 PM sam: nah
our bathtub is skeezy as fuck
me: Well what are you wearing?
a t shirt
and some old ass boots
and a hat that says, "huge racks or die" on it
me: Did you have that hat or is it new?
9:28 PM sam: JK YO!!!
watch it nah
9:29 PM me: Golly gee willikers
sam: "willikers, that's a huge rack!!"
i want to say that
and rub my eyes as i do it
me: So many racks
9:30 PM Hey thanks for doing this
sam: no problem
sorry it didn't work out for me to come there
9:31 PM i'll be out there soon enough probably
me: The transcript will be shared with everyone
We will all show up if you do reading or something
sam: sweet what college is there
me: We'll buy you a milkshake
sam: they usually do shi like that
sam: you guys should just hit me on the head and kidnap me
that would be funny
9:32 PM "he woke up in the den of huge rracks"
me: It would make for a good book
sam: "Kidnapped by Huge Racks"
me: A murder mystery
9:33 PM Would there be cholorform on the racks? We say yes
sam: damn, that seems really funny
to be like
9:34 PM "hey does my rack smell weird to you"
choloform that ass
me: And Lindsey would be there in proximity
9:35 PM Well feel better. Have Jon get you a hotdog or something
sam: i will
9:40 PM thank you all for reading the book
and talking to me
and getting me to think about racks, both huge and not huge